Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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