Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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