I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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