They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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