shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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