There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
