i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
