Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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