oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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