sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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