how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
