I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
