Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
