If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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