he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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