I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
