eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
