I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
