Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
