Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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