I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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