you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
