Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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