just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
