three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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