i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?