____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.