i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol