I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.