I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound