I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten