I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack