It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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