What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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