I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
