I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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