I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
