I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
