i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
