I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the high leading the old right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
