i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
