Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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