real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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