My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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