I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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