This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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