My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I just sharted jello shots
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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