I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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