I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
