apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
