I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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