thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
