Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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