I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
