She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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