i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
