marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
