too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
