good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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