Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
