There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
