I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
