Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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