dude i'm inner monologue high
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
