Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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