i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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