He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
