i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize