I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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