I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
