There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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