Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
