I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
