so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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